Recovery from envy

Recovery from envy: turn it over. You can call it what you will...praying, letting go, whatever you want, but it works.

When I went to bed the other night that I was feeling so much envy and desire for a Ho-Ho from Bucheron Bakery and I woke up at 3:30 am because Lucy (the beagle) had to pee and was wandering around nervously. I got dressed and took her out and she peed around four times. We think that she may have diabetes incipitis (sp?) and she needs more antibiotics because she still has a UTI. Anyway, that's not the point of the story. The point is that I could not fall back to sleep and it was a miserable night.

All I could do is think what a failure my life has been, terrible mother, terrible writer, terrible wife, person, etc. etc. Stinking thinking, monkey mind, call it what you will, it was out of control.

So when I woke up a little voice said, "Read Eckhardt Tolle" and so I picked up "A New Earth" and the first chapter is all about flowers and rocks and something else...and it's about seeing the ego, the externals, the stinking thinking, which is dysfunction - it's called dukkha in Buddhism, sin in Christianity and something else in Hinduism. And it means suffering essentially, failing to live a higher life. I'm rushing here. It's that we as human beings focus on the externals, money, success, consumerism, rather than the internal, the human, the important parts of who we are, and in that I'm not so horrible. Really. I'm not.

So now I feel better and the thing that I was envious about is actually moving in a new direction. Whether it works out or not (I will let you know), but I feel much better and I'm off to enjoy a beautiful spring day and I hope, wherever you live, it's a wonderful day (rain or shine.)