Today is Thanksgiving and although I miss Zoe, and I never, in any of my fantasies, could have imagined my life looking the way it does now - I couldn't be more grateful for all the blessings in my life. My little dog Lola is lying on a small throw rug at my feet. My loftmate Abigail is in the kitchen, making herself some breakfast, no doubt Lucy is sitting nearby. I'm about to go to the gym for a run on the treadmill. I am working again. I've moved through a year and a half of the most difficult time I've ever experienced. A staged reading of my play is scheduled for February, with a new and much more satisfying ending.
And I just read this in my latest, favorite book "Fearless" by Steve Chandler.
"In my life, crawling out of the cave of despair, one book led to another. Where would I find courage? How would I make a living? How could I succeed at anything after having been such a failure at everything? Do I try to remember what my two alcoholic parents taught me.
Books were the answer. Books taught me everything. You're not going to find it in books? Maybe you aren't, but I did."
That has been true for me, particularly over this past year and a half. It wasn't entirely books - but all the spiritual work and research and my own writing was often stimulated by something I read, or by someone sharing something they'd learned from a book or a spiritual teacher.
So thanks for all the lessons learned - wherever they came from, no matter how painful, they all contributed to a transformational time.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
A year ago I wrote these words in this blog:
Basically, my new life is starting, but not as quickly as I would like. I'd like to be back in Manhattan - by tonight - all unpacked and settled. I'd like to be really dating, not just going for coffees or talking on the phone. I'd like to find a good way to make money, because money is necessary and I like it. And if I had more, I could go to the theater, travel and do things that I really do enjoy, with friends or by myself.
I think it's true that no matter how lonely you are when you're alone, it can be less lonely than living with people.
When I read that this morning it gave me a great perspective on where I am. I'm living in Manhattan, settled, happy, living with the nicest human being in the world, I'm dating, have interesting experiences, I just went to San Francisco to see my beloved Zoe, and to Washington D.C., both trips were fantastic. I do go to theater now and then and all the movies are about to be free to the guilds, so I'm looking forward to seeing some good movies. I am working, my play is about to have a reading in January after a really good re-write that everyone who's read it seems to really love. I could easily complain about the divorce and the pain of going through it, but honestly - I'm so filled with gratitude for where I am today, I simply will acknowledge that nothing stays the same, everything changes and that I am very lucky to be surrounded by so much love and friendship.