Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Big changes

I'm in the middle of working on an assignment for a fantastic project that involves the United Nations and a big summit that is happening in NY in a month.

It's very thrilling and it's been one of the most frustrating and stressful projects I've ever been involved with, mainly because of the bureaucratic nightmares that are necessary to overcome with when you're working with such an enormous organization.

But I've learned so much about what is happening in third world countries and about the Millenium Project, about what has been achieved and how much is left to do. Our job is about making films around the world and sharing information about projects that have succeeded and the lessons learned.  

I'm being very vague because I have to work on a script now, but I just wanted to say that all of this couldn't have come at a better time.  It is totally engrossing and challenging to deal with all the stress and learning about the world - especially when the past year has been so involved with grieving so many losses. This has put my problems in perspective and taken the focus off of me. And aside from feeling like this is giving me a strong sense of purpose, it has also enabled me to make money - which for everyone in the world, especially those who are living in poverty - the chance to make money and improve your life and the life of your family, is a universal theme, no matter where you live. 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

One year later

I just looked back at this blog and saw that on August 5, 2009, my daughter, Zoe, and ex, Steve packed up the car and left our family home (the most recent one - we'd moved about three times in previous five years.)  I remember the feelings I had that day, it was probably one of the lowest points of my life.  I had just lost my mother and now my family was breaking apart.

So here I am one year later.  It's been an incredible year of magical thinking, I guess you could say.  Many miracles and many life lessons have occurred.  A one year anniversary is significant in that it is a measure of the first Thanksgiving without your family, the first birthday, Christmas and Hanukah, a long series of firsts.  Surviving these events, going through all the feelings that come up, starts to gradually make you feel stronger.  

I am so grateful for the way this year has unfolded and for all the positive changes in my life.  I have a wonderful home in Manhattan with the nicest loftmate in the world.  My dogs are still here with me and although they are both old, and not doing all that well, they have given me so much love, it would have been much harder without them. (And it was also hard with them -- walking four times a day most days, in the winter, in the heat - not an easy job.)  They are pretty famous in the neighborhood, particularly Lola.  

I am close to having a job, at least a freelance one.  I don't want to talk about it yet, but it's something that I am very excited about - and I hope will work out.  Zoe is doing really well in San Francisco.  I've met some very nice men.  I've learned so much about life just by sitting in Friends In Deed for the past year.  I've kept up my meditation practice, as imperfect as it is.  I've started running again and although recently my knee has been bothering me, I've kept it up and am working on building up the muscles around my knees.  Exercise has really helped.  We are getting closer to resolving our divorce and hopefully that will happen soon.  I wish Steve well, I am tired of fighting and look forward to someday having all of this in the past.  

My friends have sustained me and I don't even have the words to say how grateful I am.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Great news!

Lola, my little beagle, is fine!  Her lump turned out to have no sign of cancer cells and is probably hyperplastic proliferation - excessive growth of muscle or tissue.

So, I guess Lola is a bit like my mother, she's one tough cookie.  She probably has a benign tumor in her cerebral cortex which has affected her gross motor skills, making it difficult for her to walk.  She has an adorable prancing movement, which she seems to have perfected, her front legs move separately from the hind legs.  She has lost most of her vision, has arthritis, bladder issues, and frequently lies down on walks.  But her tail wags often and she seems to attract everyone who sees her.  She's the sweetest dog, except when she decides to bark at another dog, which she does for no obvious reason, just because she wants to.  

I couldn't imagine losing her yet and I'm so relieved that she will be with us for awhile longer, at least.

I read this quote on a subway yesterday, by Stephen W. Hawking, which I particularly liked:

"The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired."