Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Zoe's coming!

I forwarded Zoe an airlines' discount special and she immediately decided to come for three weeks.  In December. 

Whooohooo!  So excited.  And I know she will be busy seeing her own friends and keeping her own hours (the opposite of mine, I'm an early riser), so it probably will be challenging.  I'm glad that the holidays this year will be with family and maybe we'll even see my sister and her family.  Talk about challenging! 

One day at a time. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Just living

I guess I've been quiet these days because I've been busy and living life and working on a book.  My meditation practice continues - imperfectly.  The holidays were remarkably stress-free and relaxing. I can't wait for Christmas and New Year's. The play is moving forward.  I watched the documentary about Woody Allen on American Masters and learned something I never knew about him - that doing stand-up was torturous for him at first, because he was so shy, but he persevered.  

I am not looking forward to winter - except that it's the time of year I really get to read as many books as I can.  I also signed up for a swing dancing class last month and it was the highlight of my week.  It will continue in December.

I am thinking about my friend who is going through a difficult period with cancer.  After radiation, they put him on an oral treatment, which has been exhausting.  I'm praying for him to get through all of this and to start feeling better soon.  He's had tremendous support from his sons and many of his close friends. 

Occupy Wall Street seems to have entered a different phase now that the city has cleared Zuccotti Park.  I'm not sure how the work will continue, but I do think that it has at least changed the conversation and hopefully, will affect our next election. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Food poisoning?

Yesterday I got hit with something, I'm not sure what it was, but it might have been food poisoning.  I'd been feeling fine and the day before I ate really badly (for me).  I had a hamburger (medium rare, had to send it back to be cooked more), french fries, ice cream, mushroom soup (very creamy), and an almond croissant.  That is not a typical day of eating for me, I usually try to have salads and vegetables.  But the next morning I woke up and I was nauseous and completely lethargic.  All I can say is, if I hadn't had a loftmate to help me, I don't know what I would have done.

Gratitude for friends!  It passed this morning and I feel much better.  Note to self: watch what you eat. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Lucy with the smile

I have written often about the loss of Lola last winter.  But I am lucky to still have my beloved Lucy, who is 16 1/2 years old.  She has been with me for the past 12 years and I love her. 

Lola was a character, Lucy is a great pal.  I think she's suffered as much as we did when Lola died.  She seemed very lost for a long time.  She follows me around a lot in the loft, something she never did when Lola was alive.  I think she may feel lonely when she is left alone now.  But she runs down the hall from the elevator to our loft like she's a Greyhound and it's hard to believe she's as old as she is.

Life would be much sadder without our beloved animals.  Here is Lucy, this past August, in Fort Greene Park.  People often comment that it looks like she's smiling.  That was the first thing I noticed about her, when I saw her photo on the internet.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dark Nights of the Soul

I have been working on a book about loss (it's actually - hopefully - got plenty of humor) - but I've been looking for quotes about difficult times.  Some of them I find in this blog and this one may have appeared, but I think it's worth repeating.  This is yet another of the books I've read in the past two and a half years that helped me enormously:  Dark Nights of the Soul, by Thomas Moore.

"Many people think that the point in life is to solve their problems and be happy  But happiness is usually a fleeting sensation, and you never get rid of problems.  Your purpose in life may be to become more who you are and more engaged with the people and the life around you, to really live your life.  That may sound obvious, yet many people spend their time avoiding life.  They are afraid to let it flow through them, and so their vitality gets channeled into ambitions, addictions, and preoccupations that don't give them anything worth having.  A dark night may appear, paradoxically, as a way to return to living. It pares life down to its essentials and helps you get a new start."

Yet another good quote that reminds me that these past few years have actually been some of the best of my life.  And if anyone is going through a difficult time - remember it won't last forever and the lessons may be painful, but ultimately, they will help to re-order your life in "wondrous ways."  (Cy O'Neal, Friends In Deed.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Another corner

November 2, 2011.  Last night I went to see my old therapist, Mike Eigen, and to tell him what has been going on in my life  It's kind of like a check-up, a tune-up - a quick "this is where I am and what's happening" and it feels so good to see him.

Life feels so much better than it did two years ago.  I have to get a biopsy on my breast soon which I am not looking forward to. Work remains an exercise in problem solving.  I haven't met the love of my life.  I'm still lonely some days.  Lucy, my beloved beagle, is sixteen and a half, and though she runs down our hallway like a greyhound, she is constantly getting urinary tract infections. 

I worry about our country, the next election, the world, the mess it's all in.  I feel uplifted by Occupy Wall Street and the change in conversation we seem to be having. 

I am grateful.  I like the people I work with.  I like that I have time each morning to write.  I am hopeful that my play will have a life, but if it doesn't, that's okay too.  I'm grateful that I got to see my daughter last month in beautiful San Francisco and spend some time with her and her friends.  I'm grateful that I am going to Miami next weekend with my Mama Gena friends.  I walked through Central Park late yesterday afternoon and the leaves haven't barely begun to change.  

Just when I feel like I've turned a corner, another one presents itself. I like the metaphor of riding the waves.  Sometimes they are perfect and challenging, thrilling to ride. And sometimes I wipe out.  Right now, it feels like the waves are fine.  It's a beautiful autumn day and I am just so grateful for so many good things in my life and for the opportunity to be of service.