I finally had time to watch the entire Bill Moyers interview with Pema Chodron and it really was such a fantastic learning experience.
She talked about several concepts - the one I want to talk about now is "groundlessness." It's when something happens in your life that is so difficult, like a serious illness, or the loss of someone you love, or a divorce, anything that shakes you up and causes you to feel like the ground beneath your feet is gone - and at first you feel scared, but later on you come to realize how important that experience is to your personal growth.
I can't imagine what my life would be like now if I hadn't been through these past two and a half years of fear, anxiety and challenge. I would be living an unhappy life instead of an awake, scary and one day at a time kind of life. I wouldn't have done all the reading and seeking I've done, I wouldn't have learned about standing on my own two feet again, I wouldn't have allowed myself the time to grieve and I wouldn't have moved through what felt like both a nightmare and a test.
It's something I really want to write about and I'm trying to write about it - but I think I still need a little more distance before I can really do it justice. I'm glad I kept this blog, even though I couldn't always write everything I wanted to write, I wrote enough to serve as a reminder of where I was and where I am now.
Grateful. Filled with gratitude for the challenges. And I'm happier, even though I miss my daughter and my mother. I'm going to see Zoe in two months and I am so excited to see her again. And I talk to my mother now and then and she doesn't have anything too annoying to say, so that's pretty nice.