A friend of mine wrote me a note about changing the template for the blog and said she calls the blog "a book review a day." I guess I have been staying away from writing about my personal life recently because it's been a bit difficult to write about it. I'm working on my book project, or whatever it will be, and keeping a journal - but going through a divorce and writing about it publicly, in a blog, is not easy to do.
There are times I seem to disappear. Usually I'm going through some difficult period of dealing with my lawyers and reading affidavits and wondering how we got to this horrible mess. Having watched so many of my friends go through this in the past, I feel like I'm experiencing a rite of passage and I feel good about how I'm getting through it. I don't drink or eat too much, or spend too much. If I do anything too much it's reading books about divorce and getting through difficult times and writing about it on this blog. It helps me to focus on the stuff I'm dealing with inside, with my soul.
Some day I will write about it, but right now it feels difficult to reveal too much. I am a far more empathetic person than I used to be and when I hear about people who've lost a spouse or a parent, or are dealing with a sick parent or child, or going through a divorce, or who have lost a job -- I have a sense of the pain they are feeling. Last night I listened to a man, in a big group at Friends in Deed, talk about losing a girlfriend of twenty-nine years as he sobbed and said he'd never in his life experienced so much pain. He said he never knew that people suffered like this before and he felt sad that for so many years he walked ignorant about grief. I'd know about grief now, the feeling of disconnection, of crying, of not getting pleasure in anything, of the worries that it's never going to get better. But everything does change and in this past year, I can see how much it's changed. My reading about divorce says it generally takes two years to feel "normal" again - whatever normal is. I'll let you know.