Sunday, October 4, 2009

Goodbye to all that

I have quite a few goodbye posts on this blog.  Goodbye to my mother.  Goodbye to Paul Newman.  Goodbye to George Bush.  I don't actually have one of those, as I recall, but I probably should have. It was definitely one of the happier goodbyes we've had in many years.

As I get closer to leaving this loft I feel sadness and loss and is finality a feeling?  It's shutting the door on a family, on years of being together through so many life events, through really joyous times, and many not so joyous times.  It's an ending and a new beginning for all three of us.  (Five including Lucy and Lola, who seem very confused about the whole thing.)

I have no idea what our futures will be, no one knows.  But for so long I thought I knew who I'd spend the coming years with - and now I don't.  I'm on a new journey, on a completely different path, and I keep wanting to turn back to the familiar. But then I know what was behind me and I do want to keep moving forward.  I mean, really what choice do I have?  

I've also become more comfortable with feeling two conflicting feelings at the same time, living in the gray areas. know what?  Who cares?  Today is my dear friend Charley's fiftieth birthday and he's spending it in Scotland with his beloved wife and son, which was a dream of his. That is something to be excited about!  And it's a beautiful day and the leaves are just starting to turn, and I'm hoping to visit an old friend upstate soon, and I have a place to live in my old neighborhood Soho, and Lucy and Lola are here by my side, and Zoe is living in San Francisco, in a beautiful neighborhood with two nice roommates and Steve's just had a great success with his photography show in Spain. And - my writing partner, Gary, just wrote a great ending for our play, "Scrambled Eggs."  

I could write about all the horror in the world - the terrible earthquakes and the tsunami and all the deaths -  and the disastrous leadership we have in this country, the lack of leadership - but I won't right now.  I'm just grateful to be alive and to enjoy this day, October 4, 2009.  

Happy 50th, Charley!  I hope you are having a marvelous time with Annie and Joe-Henry.

1 comment:

staceyjwarner said...

Realizing you can have two conflicting emotions about something is great in the gray and the not knowing is where peace presides.