This week and next week my husband and I sit down together with our lawyers. I haven't seen or spoken to him in two months. A lot has happened in two months.
I think I mentioned that I have been receiving a daily "divorce support" email that is a bit too religious for me...but every once in awhile I read something that resonates. I've been feeling like I need time for myself before I do any serious dating, and this is what I read over the weekend:
"If you come out of a relationship and then immediately jump into another one, your heart does not get a chance to fully heal; therefore, you are walking along wounded emotionally. You are vulnerable, then, to starting this new relationship without a whole heart, and you're going to try to suck your need for acceptance and significance out of this person all the more. You're not really in the relationship for the other person. You're in it for yourself."
I know of one couple who met a few months after he and his wife split up and they couldn't be happier. I know that in his case, his marriage was such a disaster, his wife was (is) a non-functioning alcoholic, so although he was physically there, he had left long ago. He was ready to fall in love and he got lucky. And so did my friend. They have four kids between them, plenty of problems, but they adore each other.
I don't know what my future will be, but I know that right now I am in a good place and I am grateful. After many months of coping with so much loss and more tears than I have cried in my entire life, I feel stronger than I have in a long time. That doesn't mean I don't feel waves of sadness and fear. It just means that I have to "keep praying and moving my feet."