I hate to write that, but a friend of mine, after finding out that her husband was having an affair with one of her best friends, said that last summer was "her summer of grief" and I realized that this summer is filled with a lot of sadness for me.
The retreat was wonderful and challenging. It brought up a lot of feelings of what home means and that was painful. The great part was being around so many brilliant and talented people. We all had to do a presentation and people wrote the most amazing things. Some of them were hilariously funny and some were sad. We also had a performance night and I did the first few minutes of my solo show and it felt great to have a chance to perform again. Good practice. And the talent at this retreat is truly brilliant.
Now I'm at my friends' Julie and Keith's home in Bethel, Connecticut. I'm getting ready to leave today, but we've had a great Fourth of July weekend. I just hate waking up in the morning and feeling down. The big mistake I made was that I purchased the book "On Grief and Grieving" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler and I read the section this morning on depression and I got really really depressed.
So I wrote a few emails and poured myself a cup of coffee and now I'm speedy and a little anxious. But I remembered other times when I was dealing with a lot of sadness and I thought about Pema Chodron's advice to just accept wherever you are as being in the right place, so that's what I'm doing. I cried a little, which helped, and did some meditation. But grief is grief and it is the journey I'm on right now. I'd love to skip it if I could, but I know that isn't really an option. It will just show up later on and I guess right now is the perfect time. The weather is beautiful, I'm off on a train trip back to Brooklyn today and to my dogs. And I just have to get through this a day at a time.