It sucks to be me

Right now, I have to say that this seems to accurately express how I am feeling. (It's a song from "Avenue Q.") I know that compared to most of rest of the world, I have it pretty good. But right now, today, it doesn't feel that way.

It feels not so good.

I had a fantastic time in Fire Island with my Women's Group. We talked and ate and I took long walks on the beach and we were in the pool for hours and we laughed and struggled with each other and it was all good. The weather couldn't have been more perfect.

But - I have to say that I am feeling very blue and very sad and no amount of reading Pema Chodron or meditation or crying or talking is alleviating it. It helps, but it's still there. Life is hard for me and many other people right now. I am feeling grief, deep sorrow, and I don't know about you, but I'd much rather feel happy or bored or tired or excited. Or pretty much anything.

I know I'm not alone and that helps. I remember when I've sat with friends who have been going through difficult times and the pain was palpable. I heard someone say the other day that when you are going through grief, you shouldn't make any decisions. Another said she sat on her couch for a long time and watched TV and cried. Today I have given myself a day just to grieve. I'm not enjoying it, but I guess it was what I needed. I wonder what is on TV?