Stealing some more good advice - movies, music, etc.

I'm still reading "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart" by Susan Piver (I'm slow, because I'm also reading several other books at the same time.)  I've given up TV for the most part, except "Glee" and Jon Stewart.

Anyway, I opened the book to an Appendix this morning and Piver talks about the need to get out your emotions ("indulge it") and how great movies and music are for that.

Here's the list of movies that make you cry according to Susan and her friends:

A Beautiful Mind
Dark Victory
Field of Dreams
Gladiator
The Last Samurai
Stranger than Fiction (when Will Ferrell sings "Whole Wide World")
Anything where a dog dies  (I sobbed at "Marley" on the plane home from Spain last year...)

Bambi
Big Fish
Dead Poets Society
E.T.: The Extraterrestrial
Fiddler on the Roof
Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru no Haka)
The Green Mile
Hotel Rwanda
I am Sam
Life Is Beautiful
The Lion King
The Little Mermaid
Million Dollar Baby
The Notebook
Philadelphia
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Steel Magnolias
Sweet November
Titantic
Whale Rider

I would add to that list Terms of Endearment, that scene with Debra Winger's sons, that always makes me cry.


Music:

"A Change Is Gonna Come"  Sam Cooke
"The Dark End of the Street"  James Carr
"I Can't Stop the Rain" Ann Peebles
"I Can't Stop Loving You" Freddy Fender
"I've Been Loving You Too Long" Otis Redding
"There is an End"  The Greenhornes, with Holly Golightly
"What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" Jimmy Ruffin
"When I Get Like This" The Five Royales
"Whole Wide World" Wreckless Eric
"For Your Precious Love" Jerry Butler

Lately, I've found the song "I Believe I Can Fly" has been really helpful to lighten my mood. And "Vida La Vida" and "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night."  For some reason Aretha Franklin singing "You Send Me" always sends me.  And I like listening to Regina Spektor because she reminds me of my daughter.  Also Ingrid Michaelson.



I did something else Piver recommends.  Go through all your clothing and keep only the things that make you feel attractive and toss everything else out (bring it to Goodwill, or wherever.) That was actually fun, perhaps because I've been on the divorce diet and everything fits.


Organize your Netflix queue.  I do that all the time.  


Yesterday, I did an exercise that Mama Gena suggests, which really surprised me.  She said to write a love letter to yourself, the kind that you would love to receive.  I thought, "Ah, I don't want to do that.  That's just not something I feel like doing."  But I did - I wrote myself a love letter and it made me realize that I should accept nothing less than being fully and completely loved for who I am, and to be fully and completely in love with someone, for exactly who he is.  It's a powerful exercise and it made me realize how often I have settled for less, when we all deserve so much more.   


 

Back from Miami

I don't know what to say about where I am other than back from a weekend in Miami, working at a Mama Gena mastery, which was amazing, as always.  I swam in the ocean and danced and had a wonderful, although challenging, weekend with over a hundred women on an incredible journey of self-discovery, sisterhood and empowerment.  When I returned, I started reading "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart."  

It's cold and rainy in New York today and I am struggling to get out of bed and start my day.  Last night I ran into a neighbor who went through a divorce five years ago.  He said the first couple of years were horrible and now he's doing really quite well.  "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart" talks about the difference between sadness and depression.  I'm sad that ending this marriage is so painful and I wish it could be resolved more easily without the drama and the sadness.

The book quotes another Buddhist writer, Chogyam Trungpa, who wrote:

"This experience of sadness and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness.  Conventionally, being fearless means that you are not afraid or that if someone hits you, you will hit him back....(But) real fearlessness is the product of tenderness.  It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart.  You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world.....If a person does not feel alone and sad, he cannot be a (spiritual) warrior at all..."

I like this book.  I'm grateful for the feelings.  This year has been the hardest year of my life and also the best.  I'm not afraid to feel.  I accept where I am, even when I have trouble getting out of bed.  I wouldn't say I am fearless, but I am getting more at home with all the feelings that I have.  This past Mother's Day was the first one in my life without my mother.  It was good to be in Miami, with my women friends, swimming in the ocean. My mother would have approved.  


Well, actually she might not have, but that's one of the perks of her no longer being alive.  I can do whatever I want on Mother's Day or any other day.  

One of the highlights of Miami was having the chance to break a wooden board with my fist.  I was afraid I couldn't do it, but I faced my fears and broke it into three parts.  It was fantastic!