Saturday, June 12, 2010

The winding road

Last year, when I was in Spain with my...well, what do I call him?  My almost ex husband?  Steve is his name, that's what I'll call him.  I guess I could call him other names, but I won't.

We were in southern Spain, in Andalucia, which I totally fell in love with, and we were driving in the mountains, headed to Ronda. We (he) decided to take a road through the mountains because Steve wanted to go to a small town called Grazalema, I believe was the name.  We got on a road that had a sign that said, in Spanish, something about road blocked due to a mud slide, but for some reason, we saw a few cars up ahead of us, and we didn't believe the sign.  The road was extremely curvy and I tend to get a bit anxious on really mountainous roads, and this one seemed to go on and on and kept climbing up the mountain.  It was also absolutely gorgeous country, which I tried to notice as I gripped the dashboard.  There were a few turn-offs along the road where people had stopped to eat lunch and look at the views.

I figured once we got to the top of the mountains we would be safe and just go down the other side to Grazalema, but sure enough, after what seemed like a good hour or so, we came to the part of the road that was blocked and we could go no further.  I couldn't believe we had to go back down that same road and take those same curves.  We didn't argue about it, we just turned around and that hour long drive took about twenty minutes.  It wasn't, in fact, an hour, it only felt like an hour.

We returned to the town we'd driven through at the base of the mountain, found a restaurant, had some lunch and then set off again on our journey to Ronda, on a different, but still gorgeous road.  

I feel like I'm on that windy road now, just headed through the mountains, not quite sure what's ahead, but trusting that I will get to the other side of the mountain. (Or turn around and go back down and have lunch.) This divorce journey seems endless, but from all my reading about divorce, it's generally a two year ordeal - "Crazy Time" - a period of ups and downs and pleasurable periods and sadness.  Today was both.  I had some lovely times with friends and some time alone.  

I'm heading through the mountains and I should try to enjoy the views, which are truly, quite lovely.  I'm trying to stay in the moment, enjoy each day, and be grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. 


Zen Mama said...

Sweet Robin - only a year ago you were driving in the Spanish mountains with your ex? It strikes me unfamiliar. How could you go from vacation to divorce in such a short time? Can you write about the end, or the crescendo building up to the end or is that too painful still? Were you caught completely unaware? So many questions.....

Robin Amos Kahn said...

I am writing about the very strange ending in the book I'm working on. I promise the questions will be answered. Let's just say the trip was "owed me" and we made the best of a difficult situation. You can't not enjoy Spain, it would be too sad, so I stayed in the present and practiced accepting "what is."