Someone recently suggested I read a book called "Crazy Time, Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life."
I always knew that divorce was horrible, at least for everyone I've ever known - and just a very small percentage have an easy time. For me, at times, it's felt unbearably painful. I feel better than I did last year, but it's still very difficult. There are moments of fun - like last night when I had a date - and remembering that gives me a very big smile. I guess it's a gift when in the midst of pain, you get to experience pleasure too. Life is hard AND it's also fun. What an amazing gift to be over 50 and still feel desirable. Wow....that's pretty good.
I read this line in "Crazy Time" and it felt very true: "Breaking up a marriage may be as common as Main Street nowadays, but when you finally do it, the psychological experience seems as uncharted as the dark side of the moon." That feels so right to me, all the variables in every divorce are different. But the common thread seems to be that there is pain involved in breaking up a family, moving forward to the unknown, letting yourself open up to other people and risking rejection. And yet, I can't imagine not being here now, even though it's hard. When I look at it objectively, I see that my life is pretty good and that so many people are struggling now with so much: loss of work, income, hope, health, not to mention the billion people all over the world who go to bed each night hungry and afraid. I guess it's important to remember that I am part of something much bigger than my little divorce. I feel grateful for the lessons I'm learning, even though I'd much rather read about them in a book or see them in a movie.