Intimacy with fear

That's the title of the first chapter of "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron and I am re-reading it. "Embarking on the spiritual journey is like getting into a very small boat and setting out on the ocean to search for unknown lands." I get fearful when I think about the future and I don't know what it's going to be. I'm in a place like that right now and I have to say, it's both terrifying and exciting.

I loved seeing Barack and Michelle Obama on 60 Minutes last night. How refreshing was that? Two really intelligent, articulate people who will be living in the White House and I just like them so much! It feels like we're moving from the darkness into the light and it is truly exciting, even with all the problems that plague us, to know that we'll have the best minds in this country focused on solving them. And talk about facing his fears, Barack has that down. He seems to be preternaturally calm. I love that we won't have to worry about the future of the Supreme Court and Roe v. Wade and a million other issues that would have been a complete nightmare if the Republicans continued in office for another four years.

So - all of that is great and mostly I'm focused on trying not to let the winter, and my loss of work, and fears about money and the future keep me from moving forward.

I do know that humor helps me. I saw my director Matt this weekend, along with a few other friends, and he always makes me laugh. That changed my mood dramatically. And then I went to a screening of "Frost/Nixon" with Ron Howard, the screenwriter Peter Morgan and Brian Grazer speaking afterward and that was fantastic! And on Sunday, I went to Unity, my "church" (it's filled with lots of people of all faiths, including Jews) and went out to brunch with a woman I met at Mama Gena's. So I had spiritual, intellectual and emotional sustenance this weekend. And now I'm going to get my butt to the gym, or go for a long walk. Somehow I'm going to get through this winter and enjoy it, even though I only love the first snow and then I am so ready for April.

I guess in spiritual terms though, I should say I will feel whatever I feel and try to live in the moment, even if it sucks.