Anxiety

This weekend, my daughter, Zoe, is coming to NYC to stay at the loft and take care of Lucy, while I go to Paris for a week.  I feel a bit anxious, since part of me wants to be here with Zoe and Lucy and the other part of me wants to go to Paris.  I'm going with my dear friend, Bella, and I know it will be lovely to get away.  I went from one job to another, from a court case, to a training, and then a new office, so one week in Europe in the spring sounds delightful. 

I need to breathe.  Zoe and Lucy will be fine and even though Lucy is so old now, she is doing pretty well.  Abigail is going away too, so Zoe gets to have the loft to herself, which I'm sure she will enjoy. And when I come back from Paris, I will have plenty of time to see Zoe.  She'll be here another nine days. 

After so many years of being a caregiver, it's hard to imagine taking a week to just wander around my favorite city, walking through beautiful parks, along the Seine, going to museums, eating good food, doing everything I love.  I don't have to worry about my mother anymore.  It's still hard to get used to the freedom. 

There have been no trips to Europe since that difficult one to Spain three years ago when my ex and I came back and separated.  That was, actually, a great trip.  I'll update from Paris and see if I can relax and enjoy myself.  Maybe I'll find some swing dancing!