I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, which hasn't happened to me in a long time. Today's a great day, too, I'm going to Unity and then we're going to march in the Gay Pride Parade, which couldn't have been planned for a better day. Aside from the passage of marriage rights in New York State, it's also a beautiful day. And Carlos Anderson will be speaking at Unity, which always makes me happy. He speaks extemporaneously and it's thrilling to see him.
As I was walking Lucy on this glorious morning, I started thinking about all the people I miss. I thought about Zoe last night and how we always had so many great adventures together. It's hard to even express how much I miss my daughter. I miss old friends. In some cases they left me, in other cases, I left them. The ones I left are really the ones I miss. It was absolutely the right thing to do, but it doesn't mean I don't miss them. I miss Lola and I always will. I think about her every day and I feel grateful for those wonderful nine years we had together. I miss Mike Eigen, my old therapist, who I see on occasion, but no longer regularly. And I miss our marriage and family therapist, Mildred Moskowitz, who we also saw regularly. I've spoken to her on the phone a few times and I went to see her last summer. She is a lovely person and quite a role model, well into her 80's and still working.en
I miss my mother and my father. This summer is the second anniversary of my mother's death and my dad's been gone for 21 years. I miss my family, my sister and her son's family, my cousins. I haven't seen them in a long time.
I miss having a partner. I miss the man I married, not the one I'm divorcing.
But most of all, I am grateful for being able to feel this sadness and to be in touch with the feelings. For so many years I was shut down and out of touch.
I read an article about Harrison Ford the other day and when asked what he felt was the most important things in life he said, "People. Work. And...learning." I like that.