Sunday, June 26, 2011


I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, which hasn't happened to me in a long time.  Today's a great day, too, I'm going to Unity and then we're going to march in the Gay Pride Parade, which couldn't have been planned for a better day.  Aside from the passage of marriage rights in New York State, it's also a beautiful day.  And Carlos Anderson will be speaking at Unity, which always makes me happy.  He speaks extemporaneously and it's thrilling to see him.  

As I was walking Lucy on this glorious morning, I started thinking about all the people I miss.  I thought about Zoe last night and how we always had so many great adventures together.  It's hard to even express how much I miss my daughter.  I miss old friends. In some cases they left me, in other cases, I left them.  The ones I left are really the ones I miss. It was absolutely the right thing to do, but it doesn't mean I don't miss them.  I miss Lola and I always will.  I think about her every day and I feel grateful for those wonderful nine years we had together.  I miss Mike Eigen, my old therapist, who I see on occasion, but no longer regularly.  And I miss our marriage and family therapist, Mildred Moskowitz, who we also saw regularly.  I've spoken to her on the phone a few times and I went to see her last summer.  She is a lovely person and quite a role model, well into her 80's and still working.en

I miss my mother and my father.  This summer is the second anniversary of my mother's death and my dad's been gone for 21 years.  I miss my family, my sister and her son's family, my cousins.  I haven't seen them in a long time.  

I miss having a partner.  I miss the man I married, not the one I'm divorcing.  

But most of all, I am grateful for being able to feel this sadness and to be in touch with the feelings.  For so many years I was shut down and out of touch. 

I read an article about Harrison Ford the other day and when asked what he felt was the most important things in life he said, "People. Work. And...learning."  I like that. 

No comments: