Well, this very challenging year ended with a crown that broke while I was away in the country and a root canal this morning.
My days in the country with my friends were relaxing and fun and the root canal was totally easy.
Interestingly, years ago, when I was in my twenties, I needed a root canal when I was visiting NY. My friend Ruthie knew an endodontist who was just starting his practice. He didn't even have his own office, he was borrowing someone else's so he could fix my tooth. I don't even remember his name, but I do remember that the office was cluttered and he was nervous. He screwed up the root canal and a big box fell off a shelf and landed on my head. All in all, it was a pretty depressing experience.
This time, I went to my friend Maxine's husband, Dr. Paul Rosenberg. He's been an endodontist for many years, probably close to forty. He teaches at NYU and travels around the world giving clinics and speaking. He did the root canal in less than an hour, there was no pain, no discomfort, he suggested I get a milk shake afterward since I had forgotten to eat breakfast. I went to the Shake Shack and got a chocolate shake with peanut butter and he just called to check on me - I haven't had one moment of discomfort.
Mike, the therapist I've seen over the years, said to me today, "Robin, you have been swinging through the jungle this year grabbing vines" (hands, warm and friendly hands). I love this metaphor because Sheena, Queen of the Jungle was my heroine growing up. I used to put my mother's bracelets on my upper arms and watch the show every Saturday night.
Having this blog as a record of this past year and writing through the pain has been incredibly helpful. Meditating and praying has changed my life. Gratitude keeps me grounded. (Even as I fly through the jungle.)
I hope that I have been as helpful to my friends over the years as they have been to me. As they say in Friends In Deed, quoting Pema Chodron, "things fall apart and things come together."
I feel like I'm coming together, slowly. To everyone who's read this blog and commented, thank you for the interest and support.
Love,
Robin
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Et tu, Susan and Tim?
Last night I heard the news: after a twenty-three year relationship, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins are separating. At least they don't have to get divorced, since they never got married.
Yesterday, someone told me that in a recent NY Times op-ed there was a statistic that something like eighty percent of people in their "middle ages," whatever that is, are married. But in New York City that number is dramatically lower.
I have heard of more couples separating in the last year than I can ever recall. I also know of many people who are not happy in their relationships, but aren't going to leave. The reason I know this, is that when you announce you are getting divorced, suddenly everyone confides in you. I also heard from a friend yesterday, that out of her four grown kids, two are now getting divorced.
Another friend recently told his wife if their relationship didn't improve he wouldn't stay. Another couple hasn't really spoken to each other in about a month.
I think that the myth we are sold on marriage is distorted and also that people show one face when they are dating, and after they get married, they very quickly become who they really are. I do know couples who deeply love each other, and think about how they can show that love, and are supportive and genuinely enjoy each others company. What a gift.
I don't know if I'll find someone to share my life with again. I know that my living arrangement with my friend has taken the edge off and I feel more relaxed about the future. I wonder what Susan and Tim would say about their separation - did they grow apart, as so many of us do? Even with the perfect life, the great careers, the multiple homes, the money, all the kids, and the fame? Did one of them find someone else? The message is we're all basically the same...humans struggling, trying to find connections and good lives. No one is immune from loss, sadness, illness, death. Even Tiger Woods has to do some major re-evaluating of his life choices.
As difficult as life can get, it's also fun too, and the difficult times pass. It's been about a year since I first mentioned the idea of separation and each day gets better. I keep going where it's "warm", even when the wind chill is fifteen degrees. Going where it's warm is about turning to friends who are supportive and really care about you. I am grateful for the friends I have, every one of them.
I'll be away between Christmas and New Years, up in the country, enjoying nature. This has been a very difficult and extremely good year for me. I hope that Susan, Tim and everyone else who is going through these major life changes can find peace even in the painful times.
Do you think Tim Robbins will post his profile on Match.com?
Yesterday, someone told me that in a recent NY Times op-ed there was a statistic that something like eighty percent of people in their "middle ages," whatever that is, are married. But in New York City that number is dramatically lower.
I have heard of more couples separating in the last year than I can ever recall. I also know of many people who are not happy in their relationships, but aren't going to leave. The reason I know this, is that when you announce you are getting divorced, suddenly everyone confides in you. I also heard from a friend yesterday, that out of her four grown kids, two are now getting divorced.
Another friend recently told his wife if their relationship didn't improve he wouldn't stay. Another couple hasn't really spoken to each other in about a month.
I think that the myth we are sold on marriage is distorted and also that people show one face when they are dating, and after they get married, they very quickly become who they really are. I do know couples who deeply love each other, and think about how they can show that love, and are supportive and genuinely enjoy each others company. What a gift.
I don't know if I'll find someone to share my life with again. I know that my living arrangement with my friend has taken the edge off and I feel more relaxed about the future. I wonder what Susan and Tim would say about their separation - did they grow apart, as so many of us do? Even with the perfect life, the great careers, the multiple homes, the money, all the kids, and the fame? Did one of them find someone else? The message is we're all basically the same...humans struggling, trying to find connections and good lives. No one is immune from loss, sadness, illness, death. Even Tiger Woods has to do some major re-evaluating of his life choices.
As difficult as life can get, it's also fun too, and the difficult times pass. It's been about a year since I first mentioned the idea of separation and each day gets better. I keep going where it's "warm", even when the wind chill is fifteen degrees. Going where it's warm is about turning to friends who are supportive and really care about you. I am grateful for the friends I have, every one of them.
I'll be away between Christmas and New Years, up in the country, enjoying nature. This has been a very difficult and extremely good year for me. I hope that Susan, Tim and everyone else who is going through these major life changes can find peace even in the painful times.
Do you think Tim Robbins will post his profile on Match.com?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Toxic
Years ago, Michael Eigen wrote a book called "Toxic Nourishment." I've been thinking a lot about toxicity these days. It seems to be everywhere, especially in our government, in the lobbies, special interests, all of it seems to be so anti-humanity.
I was having a discussion yesterday with two friends after seeing another really good film "Invictus." (At least they are still making some really good movies.) We were talking about how after all the years of talking about preventive medicine, doctors still don't counsel people seriously about the need for regular exercise, eliminating processed foods from their diets, meditation, cutting back on the prescription drugs in favor of at least trying other remedies, i.e. amino acid supplements, tryptophan, roots, B vitamins, Cod Liver Oil (I'm serious) for vitamin D, etc., using acupuncture, yoga, chiropractors, as a way of maintaining our health.
I was also thinking about toxic relationships. Maybe they don't have to be toxic if people could communicate their true feelings, but the toxicity builds up over time and eventually there doesn't seem to be much you can do to fix it. As my friend B reminded me, in the not so distant past, most relationships didn't last that long. Women died in childbirth, people died of cholera and the plague or whatever fatal disease was around. It wasn't unusual for someone to have multiple wives or husbands in the course of a lifetime that averaged fifty or sixty years, if they were lucky.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...what? We poison our bodies and our minds and then we're trapped, trying to figure out how to let go of those toxins. Awareness is the first step, acceptance, and then action. I'm not sure which is the hardest.
I was having a discussion yesterday with two friends after seeing another really good film "Invictus." (At least they are still making some really good movies.) We were talking about how after all the years of talking about preventive medicine, doctors still don't counsel people seriously about the need for regular exercise, eliminating processed foods from their diets, meditation, cutting back on the prescription drugs in favor of at least trying other remedies, i.e. amino acid supplements, tryptophan, roots, B vitamins, Cod Liver Oil (I'm serious) for vitamin D, etc., using acupuncture, yoga, chiropractors, as a way of maintaining our health.
I was also thinking about toxic relationships. Maybe they don't have to be toxic if people could communicate their true feelings, but the toxicity builds up over time and eventually there doesn't seem to be much you can do to fix it. As my friend B reminded me, in the not so distant past, most relationships didn't last that long. Women died in childbirth, people died of cholera and the plague or whatever fatal disease was around. It wasn't unusual for someone to have multiple wives or husbands in the course of a lifetime that averaged fifty or sixty years, if they were lucky.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...what? We poison our bodies and our minds and then we're trapped, trying to figure out how to let go of those toxins. Awareness is the first step, acceptance, and then action. I'm not sure which is the hardest.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Precious
Yesterday afternoon I went to a screening of the movie "Precious" and after the showing, there was a question and answer session with the writer of the screenplay.
I haven't been able to get the movie out of my mind. I just watched an interview with the young woman who played Precious, Gabourey Sidibe, who had never acted before. She was so astonishing and heartbreaking and seeing her on a talk show, she couldn't have been more different than the character. The story is about a 16 year-old, illiterate, obese girl who has been abused by both her parents in such a horrific way that it breaks your heart. She's pregnant with her second child from her father, and her mother is monstrous. The film was adapted from a novel called "Push" by a woman named Sapphire, who worked with young girls and wrote using stories she heard about their lives.
The writer of the film, Geoffrey Fletcher, did a wonderful job of adapting the novel. He incorporated a number of dream sequences and one of the things that works well about the film is the rhythm, it could feel unrelentingly horrible, but by interspersing these fantasy sequences, it lets us breathe. The cast is fearless and surprising. I won't tell you who is in it, part of the pleasure of the film is seeing people you wouldn't expect to be in it.
It's so powerful, moving and devastatingly honest. It brings up so many prejudices and shows us the kind of abuse that goes on every day, all over the world.
I don't know what else to say but see it. It isn't easy to watch, but it's necessary. And it's unforgettable.
I haven't been able to get the movie out of my mind. I just watched an interview with the young woman who played Precious, Gabourey Sidibe, who had never acted before. She was so astonishing and heartbreaking and seeing her on a talk show, she couldn't have been more different than the character. The story is about a 16 year-old, illiterate, obese girl who has been abused by both her parents in such a horrific way that it breaks your heart. She's pregnant with her second child from her father, and her mother is monstrous. The film was adapted from a novel called "Push" by a woman named Sapphire, who worked with young girls and wrote using stories she heard about their lives.
The writer of the film, Geoffrey Fletcher, did a wonderful job of adapting the novel. He incorporated a number of dream sequences and one of the things that works well about the film is the rhythm, it could feel unrelentingly horrible, but by interspersing these fantasy sequences, it lets us breathe. The cast is fearless and surprising. I won't tell you who is in it, part of the pleasure of the film is seeing people you wouldn't expect to be in it.
It's so powerful, moving and devastatingly honest. It brings up so many prejudices and shows us the kind of abuse that goes on every day, all over the world.
I don't know what else to say but see it. It isn't easy to watch, but it's necessary. And it's unforgettable.
Friday, December 18, 2009
The divorce diet
p.s. I'm sure I'll have hundreds of followers now.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The sorrow and the chocolate
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ... Kahlil Gibran
I heard that quote and it resonated for me. Most of the sadness I've felt this past year has been for people and situations that have given me delight and pleasure.
It's natural to grieve those losses and also natural to move on when they are no longer there. I am comfortable living in today - even though today actually was a bit stressful. My wonderful loft mate, Abigail, has bronchitis and was seriously dehydrated and nauseous in the early afternoon. After several conversations with her doctor (fortunately he's my doc too), we got her some Gatorade and compazine and by around 6 pm she came back to life and we were able to watch three episodes of "Curb Your Enthusiasm." I fear I am becoming too much like LD. Seriously. Standing on line at the drugstore (three different ones to get the Compazine suppositories) - only to be told (erroneously) that her health insurance had been terminated, it was all I could do not to have a LD kind of fit. But fortunately for me, I was able to bring up some detachment and get everything worked out before I had to yell at everyone in the entire drugstore.
I did have to stop off for a giant chocolate chip cookie at the new City Bakery Birdbath, which is in the old Vesuvio's on Prince Street. I love NY.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Today is my anniversary
...or it would have been if we were still married. (Well, we are legally, but not in reality.) You know what? It's good! We loved each other when we got married twenty-four years ago, and we had a beautiful daughter and a good life. And now it's over and we're each living the life we want to live and it's all exactly as it should be. I have had a great day so far, I worked on a video for a friend about global warming and alternative energy sources (she interviewed people and asked us questions - it was fun and challenging.) I met a man for lunch and I'm going to meet another man for a drink.
I'm happier than I was a year ago and I'm sure my ex is too. All I need is an income, for my play to get produced, my dogs to live a few more years, love in my life, my own home, my daughter to continue thriving and for the economic situation in this country to turn around. Peace all over the world would be very nice too.
I am so grateful for all the miracles in my life and for my friends and the love and support I receive every day.
The lovely man I met for lunch today had a heart attack a year ago at 55. He is grateful to be alive. It's a reminder that each day is a gift, even the challenging ones.
p.s. I met a nice man tonight from Match.com and then I spontaneously stopped by the Apple store and Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker and Marc Lawrence happened to be there to talk about their film "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" They took questions from the audience and I asked Lawrence which filmmakers inspired him and he said the same ones I love: he said Billy Wilder "The Apartment" is one of the best films ever made, Woody Allen - "Annie Hall" a perfect film and James Brooks' "Broadway News." These are all my favorites too. And Hugh Grant is so charming and funny, it was a pleasure to see them all.
The bottom line is I had a very happy un-anniversary.
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