A friend of mine who is going through similar life challenges suggested to me that rather than feeling we're on a roller coaster these days, perhaps surfing would be the better analogy.
All I know is that today it was tough to get out of bed. I'm glad I have to walk the dogs because it is a beautiful morning and I enjoyed the walk. But getting up and moving was difficult.
This past weekend I went to my high school reunion - I don't even want to say how many years it's been because it seems impossible that so many years have passed and we are so old. Of the five hundred or so people from our class, I think about eighty or so showed up and they all looked pretty good. People came from as far as Greece and Israel. I found it enormously stressful to try to talk to people and have any kind of meaningful conversation. I was there for approximately eighteen hours (slept eight of them) and the rest of the time was spent trying to cram in listening and talking and yelling over music...is this supposed to be fun?
I had a few really good connections with people and enjoyed seeing them again. It seemed a lot like high school in some ways. I felt both snubbed and appreciated and the only upside is that at this age, I really don't care. Well, maybe a little...actually.
The guys from this high school, mostly the athletic ones, have an annual reunion and have stayed very close friends. Some of the women do that as well, but I am not included in that group. I found a few of the men were able to openly talk about their feelings and their experiences. Many people had been divorced at least once and were on their second marriage. My old friend Sue said to me, when I first arrived, "Everyone is a bit worried about you...having just lost your mother and separating from your husband."
When I heard that, I wanted to get back on the train and go home. Let's just say it wasn't an easy night.
Zoe and Steve are now leaving Utah and headed to Nevada. They seem to be doing well on their cross country trip.
I'm here in Brooklyn, trying to ride the waves. I know that eventually it will get easier. I'm sure it will.