Fear

Whenever I have to do anything in public, a reading, a performance, speaking, anything, it scares me so much that I want to leave the country.  And, on the other hand, when I don't do anything that scares me, life seems too tame.  So I have no choice - I have to put my work out into the world and risk rejection and risk shame.

Speaking of shame, I'm reading a great book by Brene Brown called "The Gifts of Imperfection."  The subtitle is "Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are."  

I'm very excited about the reading of my play and I'm also scared to death.  And I love that the actors are cast and the director is terrific and the theater is perfect and everyone's doing their jobs and all I really have to do at this point is show up.  Which is not an easy thing, especially when a trip to Borneo is on my mind.  Where is Borneo exactly? 

Where is spring?

This past winter was not an easy one.  Not because the weather was that bad, but because so much of it was involved in caring for Lola.  I can't say that I didn't love every moment with her, even at the end, when I knew it was her time - and I can say that life is a bit easier now, not having that responsibility. But I still miss her and I still wish that she would bark when I walked in the door, or make me laugh when she did something silly.

Last night I saw the film "Rabbit Hole" and it was about the loss of a child.  How you deal with loss is such an interesting subject to me now, after having spent so much time learning about it, experiencing it.  The film depicted two characters I didn't find particularly likable, but I did feel for them both, and understand their different ways of grieving.  I guess that's what I've learned - everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace.  

So I'm ready for spring, a new beginning.  I'm more than ready.